How do I know if I have relationship OCD or if I'm just not in love anymore?
To know if this is Relationship OCD (ROCD) or if you are just not in love, notice how the doubt feels. Does this feel urgent, sticky, and with every answer you have more questions to answer or is there a calmness to it? ROCD isn’t calm. The urgency ROCD causes can lead to rumination, replaying scenarios, and sifting the sands of memories for proof of how you feel. A therapist who specializes in OCD can help you tell the difference.
What ROCD doubt feels like
ROCD thoughts are unwanted and upsetting, because part of you wants the relationship to work while the other part of you is trying to be sure that is the right choice. This causes compulsions to try to quiet the uncertainty, but it often just leads to a new worry. The most common compulsions are: checking whether you feel love or attraction, comparing your partner to others, asking friends for their opinion, or seeking reassurance from your partner.
What falling out of love usually feels like
You fall out of love gradually and quietly. You will have less interest in investing in the relationship, less distress at the thought of it ending, and sometimes even relief when you imagine leaving. It’s more a fading than an alarm.
Why checking your feelings won't give you an answer
Feelings naturally rise and fall, especially in long relationships. If you are constantly scanning for love, feelings may seem flat, which then feels like “proof.” Other times feelings feel intense and that feels like “proof” the other direction. You are caught between these two over focused on minute details trying to get a big answer.
How therapy helps
An OCD specialist can help you tell the difference. ERP helps you stop the checking so you can see the relationship clearly instead of through the urgency.
I’m Stephanie Winfrey, LCSW, and I see clients virtually throughout Oklahoma and Washington. You don’t have to keep living in your head. When you’re ready, schedule a free consultation and we’ll talk about what’s been keeping you stuck.
